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The Our Tune Forum

The Our Tune Forum

On this forum, you can join in the Our Tune discussion with other Smooth Radio listeners.

It's the place to come if you've been affected by any issues covered in recent Our Tune stories; over time, we will be posting information on where you can seek help and advice.

In the meantime, you can join other listeners in the discussion and, if the huge amount of emails, letters and texts we receive relating to Our Tune are anything to go by, they will be an amazingly supportive resource for you and others.

Please note, for your own security, do not leave personal contact details in your comment - email address, telephone number etc.

You can remain anonymous on the forum if you wish, but please be aware that any inappropriate comments will be removed by moderators.

If you're affected by an Our Tune story, you are not alone - join in with the Our Tune forum. Simply leave your message below and other listeners might be able to help and offer support.

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Latest Comments

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Andy Moxley

About the Our Tune concerning the lady who left her husband to pursue her relationship with Alex - may I suggest that RELATE might be able to help?

2 hours ago Link to this comment

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Suzanne McGee

I listened this morning and know how u feel my h left me after 23 years years without much of an explanation if only he'd sat me down and told me my marriage was in double instead of having an affair that has caused so much hurt to me and my sons.
As you are left going over everything and wondering where it went wrong.

3 days ago Link to this comment

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SusieQ

This mornings (22.05.13) our tune.
My thoughts. If someone can't have the decency to let you know what went wrong or let you know why they left then they are not worth wasting anymore of your time on. Yes we all want answers and we all want closure but they are the person in the wrong no matter what you feel you did or said wrong.
My feeling is that there was possibly something else going on in his life that unfortunately meant more to him and it was easy to leave you at that stage and have you feel the guilt rather than him be honest.
Anyway chin up, smile and move on, you can do better than this person.

3 days ago Link to this comment

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SusieQ

This mornings (22.05.13) our tune.
My thoughts. If someone can't have the decency to let you know what went wrong or let you know why they left then they are not worth wasting anymore of your time on. Yes we all want answers and we all want closure but they are the person in the wrong no matter what you feel you did or said wrong.
My feeling is that there was possibly something else going on in his life that unfortunately meant more to him and it was easy to leave you at that stage and have you feel the guilt rather than him be honest.
Anyway chin up, smile and move on, you can do better than this person.

3 days ago Link to this comment

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Jaine MK

Regarding this mornings Our Tune what I have to say may sound harsh but it has to be said:
Men have not destroyed you, but you are acting like a victim and as long as you act like one you will be one.

You say that Alex walked out after a minor tiff and won't tell you why, let's be honest there is a lot more to it than that, more than you said in your story that's for sure.

I suspect that part of your problem stems from guilt: you left your husband and children to pursue your relationship with Alex. You didn't seem to attempt to work on your marriage or put it right and thought that the grass was greener with Alex, but it never is.

Get some counselling so that you can talk about all the issues that have occurred in the past and move on. The only person that can change your life for the better is YOU!

Men have not destroyed you, you're just feeling sorry for yourself for the mistakes you've made: accept that you are human and that we all make mistakes and resolve not to make the same mistake again and move on.

3 days ago Link to this comment

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Steve

I have just listened to today's our tune and I can relate to the lady about the not knowing "why".I am currently going through the same myself after 9months separated from my wife who left me to go back to her mothers after 23yrs together,2kids and a child I brought up as my own.She has not spoken to me our children and her elder brother who was like a father to her,no solicitors letter and there is nobody else involved. Me and the lads have struggled and perhaps I should send my story into Simon but the not knowing why your life has been destroyed is really really difficult and because that you can't move on with your life if you wanted to even,although myself I don't and hope no pray we can eventually have dialogue and repair what ever it was that broke a happy marriage. I took my vows seriously . Thanks and fantastic show

3 days ago Link to this comment

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Nina

To 'Lisa' (May 21st). I am in a very different yet very similar situation to you, and again the guilt is horrendous. I lost my mum very suddenly during the latter part of last year. Before she died I was in the process of distancing myself from her, realising how much her attitude was affecting my self confidence. I never wished her dead, but was happy to have minimal contact. Now, everyone else is grief stricken, and yet all I can reflect on is how much simpler my life has become, in that aspect. I wish she was here, but for everyone else, not myself. Yet she was my mum, I loved her and feel extremely guilty that I am not grieving her death, that I am not missing her.

Please, take care of yourself and acknowledge that nothing you did caused his death, and nothing that you could have done would have prevented it. It happened and was unpreventable.

Big hugs and peaceful thoughts are being sent your way.

4 days ago Link to this comment

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Andy Moxley

I have just heard today's Our Tune (21 May); as Simon himself has mentioned it's actually misinterpreted guilt that the lady concerned is suffering right now.

Anyway, I just thought that I'd leave a message of support.

4 days ago Link to this comment

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David

In relation to comments about the Our Tune from 20th May, I imagine that if Jamie's sense of morality regarding promiscuity and loyalty is as high as it appears from the Our Tune, then he would have been more hurt by the fact Maggie was with another man (assuming she was seeing him at the same time) which would be the ultimate betrayal for him. But that does not excuse the fact he was having an affair instead of just leaving his wife, but i expect his sex life with his wife would have been non-existent. Good luck Jamie! And I also wish Maggie well too, It would seem you've missed out on a wonderful guy.

4 days ago Link to this comment

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Mike

Jamie sounds a good guy to me and I wish him well...if Maggie really thinks those things about him she needs to talk to him and try and put things right if that's what HE wants. I think he deserves happiness. Good luck Jamie.

4 days ago Link to this comment

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Emmie

I am maggie on the 20th may and I love Jamie with all my heart and I wish things were different, Jamie is the most wonderful man I could ever meet, but I've got myself in a huge mess and no idea how to change it

4 days ago Link to this comment

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Andy Moxley

I would like to leave a message regarding last Tuesday's Our Tune (14 May). I can fully identify with the lady concerned and her situation - I know an awful lot about insecurity from very personal experience. I'm a slightly disabled person and life has profoundly affected me one way and another - so yes I can see where the lady's coming from as they say.

As soon as I'd heard the Our Tune I thought well we've all got to soldier and as soon as I thought I burst into tears.

5 days ago Link to this comment

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Mike

If you know Friday's Our Tuner Heather Ramsey please ask her to get in touch with us! @Our_Tune We would love to hear from her and find out more about what prompted her to write in :-) #WeloveOurTune

6 days ago Link to this comment

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Mike

Our Tune has now joined Twitter! Search for @Our_Tune and join a fast growing band of people who love Our Tune as much as you do :-) Nearly 200 followers in our first day, next stop 500! Let's spread the word of Our Tune to more and more people across the country!

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Mel

I have just listened to our tune. As I was listening I thought how much like my own situation the our tune is in terms of the feelings I have for my husband and the laughter, strength and support he gives me. I couldn't believe it when the our tune played was in fact the same tune played at my wedding to Doug 22 years ago. It's my wedding anniversary tomorrow and we are as happy as ever. I wish the couple in our tune all the best best. Mel

1 week ago Link to this comment

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sarah

Our tune Tue14th May- I can really relate to how you must be feeling. I did eventually meet someone but it took a while and the panic was always there. May I suggest you try online dating? I met my husband on there ... had to meet a lot of frogs but still worth it definitely.

Just keep going... if its what you really want you will find it with perseverance.

Lots of Love xxx

1 week ago Link to this comment

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gilly

Our Tune is like an old familiar friend from days gone by - when I was little I used to listen to it -

Thought todays (15ht May) was so 'Poignant' the things that appear out of the blue in people's lives makes you think quite deeply on the whys' and wherefores of what happens in life -

Gilly

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Limo-Scene Jackie

I don't know what Steve died of our tune 9.5.13 and cannot find out anything about his life. I did contact his sister and she told me that they all missed him and if I needed to know any more just to contact her via facebook. I did she never replied, she probably thought I was weird, but I desperately want to know what happened to him in his life and that he was ok in the end.

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Alan

Our tune Tuesday 14th May. I reckon because she wanted to be a wife and mother so much it put a lot of pressure on the relationships. That in turn pushed the bloke's away

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Margaret

A truly sad story this morning (13th May). Life is a series of random happenings and there can be no explanation or justification for such a tragedy as happened to this family. I have no idea how you will cope with seeing your son in such pain or indeed cope with your own pain; I just know you will with help and support from your family and friends. I don't think it's possible to ever really get over a loss so great but time blurs the pain and makes life bearable again because life is wonderful and I'm sure that dear girl, so clever and talented, would want to see you lift your head once again and eventually smile at all the beautiful memories she left you and Graham and all those she came in contact with. My love and condolences to you, Sue and all the family.

1 week ago Link to this comment

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gilly

Hello to Our Tune people for 13th May-

I was so saddened to hear your story this morning and the feeling is still with me now - I do feel there is life after death - although it is little compensation for your loss.
Your story has made me realise not to grumble over little things and to live life in the moment-
She sounds like an inspirational person and my condolences for your loss- I am sure she would love you to carry on enjoying life for her
I do hope you can find a way of coping with this as time goes on- so many seem to lose their lives needlessly - surely it can't be in vain - there must be a reason?

My Best wishes to you

Gilly

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Laurence Partis

Re Deb's death.
The widower may want to join WAY (widowed and young) our young widows and widowers self-help group. Www.widowedandyoung.co.uk.
There is a lot of support waiting for him from people who sadly understand him totally.
If you read this my friend, do join us.
Regards, Laurence

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Joanne

Thank you Sue and Graham for sharing your story with us. Certainly struck a chord with me and reminds me to live each day to the fullest. Debs sounded like such an inspirational woman who loved to help others. I will no doubt be thinking of her when I attend my Clinical Psychology interview at Staffordshire uni this week. Thank you.

1 week ago Link to this comment

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Happy Chicken Keeper

I sometimes listen to 'our tune' and quite often would like to comment. Today's Our Tune made me realise how important it is to have a belief that there is something beyond death. I am grateful for the religion that I belong to and that it teaches that families can be together forever.

1 week ago Link to this comment

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sarah

Yesterdays our tune writer- please try and move on as you say you have a husband and child? I think its fine to feel regret for the past and what if etc... but don't let it eat you up. There is nothing you can do about what has happened and you have your life to live.

Wishing you all the best-

Sar

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Graham

Similar thing happened to me, when I met my ex-partner she had two sons, 2 and 3 years old. I raised them as my own, treated them all to wonderful holidays, spent many cold, wet Sunday mornings watching schoolboy football with one & karting with the other, taught them to drive, supplied them with cars, all the time my ex was spending on the credit cards, then after 19 years, when they didn't need a Father anymore she told me to get out. She kept the house while 3 years later I'm still stuck with the debts. Not one of them has spoken to me since.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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billy

Sorry caught the wrong key.
Anyway, the point is a similar thing has happened to me.
I was not married to the lady but several years ago she said that she wanted to end the relationship and that was that. I still do not know why!
I am caught in the same trap and at least if I had a reason then I would know why. Until then I cannot even bring myself to go out.
Good luck to the sender

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Steve

The story this morning does not ring true,I don't think there any way you can go through a dievorse without each partner giving good reasons and with every attempt being made to reconcile the couples problems before it went to court.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Thomas

Our tune 08/05/13. The very same thing has happened to me. I have had a very similar accident and handled things very badly. The anitidepresants. The problems with leaving and the loss of my love and soul mate. Its so difficult to explain to anyone what you are going through in case you have to relive the crash in you head....again my soul mate supported me until enough was enough and sadly we are now apart. I take full responsiblity. The thing that has helped the most on a personal level has been hope. Hope that in the future we may rekindle our love again. On another note, the best treatment I found was EMDR, as I was suffering from PTSD after the accident and has really worked and made my life better and the accident and my issues goto a different place in my memory. I hope this may help anyone else with the problems I have suffered.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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gilly

Hello Our Tune people for 9th May-

Yep - I feel the best way is to write a letter and then to let it go and try to move on- or imagine a balloon with all your thoughts flying away from you inside it.
We can't always plan to do things the way we'd like them to happen- things happen quickly - unexpectedly- and then we learn to live with them gradually.
Reading between the lines you had a bit of a hot spot for him and hoped possibly for more? He would want you to move forward now as he has had to do
I wish you all the best-and hope you reconcile what happened leaving you feeling happy - Great song choice-
All time favourite- and can see why you chose it
Best wishes
Gilly

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Diane

You will be able to move on...I did..I had a very similar experience where an ex boyfriend tried to contact me and wanted to talk after years of not knowing where he was or what he was up to.I stubbornly told him not to contact me again and to leave me alone as I was now happily married with a son, he begged me to meet him for one last time and I slammed the phone down on him.....2 days later I found out from my Dad that he had committed suicide...I was heart broken and felt that just maybe if I had spoken to him I just might have made a difference...that... I just don't know? I cried a lot and felt terrible..I didn't go to his funeral as I hadn't been able to tell my husband about what had happened..so I suffered in silence,time has passed and I do still think..WHAT IF!!! but as I say that ...I will never know.There will always be a special place in my heart for him and also lots of regrets that will never go away no matter how much time passes.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Elaine

Just listened to todays our tune and my heart goes out to you, regrets can eat up your life and kill relationships around you. I suggest you write everything in a love letter, saying sorry for not being there and that you loved him, then burn the letter, imagining the words will transcend to wherever he is now. Please try to move on, Im sure its what he would have wanted.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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gilly

Hello Our Tune people for 8th May -

Hearing your struggles with anti- depressants - I am wondering if you would like to explore the web site called Rxisk.org
It is available to research your medicines and what side effects they can possibly have. You may also report any side effects.
There are also lots of blogs on anti-depressants from Doctors and patients.
The web site is run by a group of highly regarded medical professionals.
It may be of help to you.
Rxisk.org (yes - it is spelt like this)

Best wishes for the future

Gilly

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Gill

I think you should try every avenue possible, medical and alternative as people often turn to this as a last resort. You could look at energy field healing or reflexology for instance, look up these and others on the internet, read about it, the benefits, etc. The list is endless. Also ask your GP about what ever else they can help you with. Explore everything because you are both worth it. The future is bright and anything is possible.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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shiningstar

Our Tune usually connects with me in some way, we have all had lots of life experiences. Todays also caught my attention as I have a husband who, for about the 6th time, is walking out of our relatively short marriage. he just wants to be with out responsibility and to have his (substantial) salary and time to spend on himself, at work and basking in female attention. I am not sure why today's our tune feels he can not live with his lady but it didn't sound like my husband.
He is a very good looking man with no shortage of female admirers so it is possible that someone else is massaging his ego. He did the same to his previous wife and young daughter. Maybe he will be happy in his new life? His ex wife said that to him when he met me so a bit of a pattern here?!
This time he is definitely going and I will need to be strong for myself and my own daughter and ensure that he goes for good, our emotional health is in tatters and we both receive counselling due to his behaviour.
Keeping someone's heart dangling on a knife edge really is damaging.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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alan day-nunns

I suffer with bipolar disorder and know how depression can affect a relationship it is hard and you do want to run to protect the ones you love but there is a light at the end of the tunnel with proper help from professionals and love ones so don't give up keep going forward.

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Cheekychops

My our tune was read out in October 2012, i was amazed! Out on the school run, before darting through traffic for work. My partner, heard it and put two and two together lol.
This summer we are getting married, abroad with all our family and friends.
He asked and i gladly accepted, and although it was a good many years and a long failed marriage behind him before we got together, we are happy and although there have been tuff times, we have got though them. Thank You Simon & Team x

2 weeks ago Link to this comment

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colin

i guess sometimes you need a friend... but if they that close you can wreck a good friendship, but when a person gets hurt they don't wanna go through that again.... but guess lifes a chance and sometimes you have to take them, not everyones the same......theres good and bad in every culture

3 weeks ago Link to this comment

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gilly

hello Our Tune people for 3rd April!

I must say It is so sad when you hear of someone wanting someone else so bad - but the other person isn't reciprocating the same way -
Unrequited love is so hard to deal with and can be heart breaking -
After a while though perhaps it is best to realise it will never get any deeper emotionally between the two of you?
I hope he does come around to showing something extra, after all a girl likes a bloke to be positive , persuasive and romantic and at the moment he seems to be , well, dead as a doornail?
I am just trying to cause a reaction in you to make you see , this could go on for a very long time unless one of you makes a move to show how intensely you feel?
Hope you can move the boundaries - and I wish you the very best -

Best wishes

Gilly

3 weeks ago Link to this comment

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Jo

Hi, I heard the Our Tune today and couldn't believe how close it was to my heart. I met my husband 20 years ago and he too was a slightly jealous type mainly due an unfaithful ex. Other than that we had a great relationship and were lucky enough to have a beautiful daughter in 2001 shortly after getting married. In 2010 I lost my mum too and struggled to come to terms with such a sudden loss - she was the best! After 7 months of hellish greiving, my husband announced out of the blue that he was leaving me. It came to light that although he wasn't having an affair he had grown close to someone else and clearly had feelings for her. It broke my heart. After agreeing to split and giving each other a lot of space, we slowly became friends again. We then made the decision not to throw everything away and to give our marriage a second chance ..... We haven't looked back since. It still hurts that I feel he wasn't there for me when I needed him, but just like the lady in the our tune, I accept that I had a part to play in the breakdown of our marriage - I blocked him out and shut down. I didn't know how to cope with my grief or with my dads unbearable grief either. I now know that we made the right decision as its nit without its hiccups but we are mostly very happy. Its lovely to hear that someone else chose that path and its working out for them too. Some things are definitely worth saving! Thank you for your Our Tune - it made me smile. p.s loved your tune too! X

3 weeks ago Link to this comment

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